BATTLE OF THE RAP HEAVYWEIGHTS: DOG VS. CAT

The other day I was reading about the  domestic pets that we have in our homes and it got me thinking what if they were able to talk and they were engaged in a “war of battles” with each other, what would they say. This is what I came up  with:
CAT:
“……Yo, they say cleanliness is next to godliness, so I guess I am inside the pearly gates serving my Master now, Look at the way I use the “loo” whenever am pressed unlike you who goes littering every place with your waste.
Yo, if 50Cent survived nine bullets and he just has one life, what bout’ me who has nine lives? I guess  they would have to employ an army of ninety nine soldiers just to maim me.
Yo, even tho I hate you I just wanna warn u this one time to be careful not to catch pneumonia with them cold nights, if you wanna sleep in the house, u may wanna holla at me n maybe al teach u one or two tricks on how to catch a rat!!!”
DOG
Yo DJ, give me a tune….bow wow, yippie yo, yippie ye…U claim u can catch em’ rats, but what are rats compared to catching em’ big cocaine thieves…yep, if u have forgotten let me remind u that I work with the national army and catch em’ drug barons like Akasha n the likes.
Yo, watch out u don’t catch em’ rabies by eating them cats everyday,  just look at how the master prepares my food everyday, the even got  “dog feed” at the local supermarket.
Yo, when it comes to celebrity status, I got a Grammy Award for that…they even got me in the white house to Obama n his family company….bow wow!!!

You decide, who killed the other lyrically?!. Dog or Cat?

15 MINUTES OF FAME….I SAY YOU CAN’T HAVE IT!

If you attending an award show or session and it happens that your favorite artiste or singer doesn’t bag any award, the one thing you can do is at least hope that your favorite artiste bags an award the next time. One thing you cannot definitely do unless you are kanye West is to grab the mic from the award winning artiste during his/her moment of fame and declare that he/she does not deserve to be a winner. Well, this is actually what Kanye West did and you are give it up for Kanye West for pulling such a stunt at the 2009 VMA Awards, when he grabbed the mic from taylor swift and declared;
“Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you u. I’ll let u finish but beyonce has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time.”
I can just say sorry to Taylor Swift.  Though I have since heard that Taylor hit back at kanye with a song.

THE WHITE HOUSE & BUSINESS SUITS

The Proflytics has never been to Kenyan parliament sessions,  but  he is 99% certain that Parliament would never allow someone attend to their proceedings without putting on a business suit. I mean if Mike “Sonko” wore a suit to Parliament as opposed to his usual trademark  Jeans, T-Shirt and  Cap, then there definitely must be a written or unwritten rule forbidding casual clothes in the Kenyan parliament.  I was wondering how about the dress code in the white house if Kenya was this strict, I guess there is a large sign outside the White house gates  that reads:  “Wearing casual clothes in the white house vicinity is prohibited!!”.  So when I had Game in his song titled “Dreams” rap about someone who entered the White House without a business suit I definitely had to write about it. Check out the line:

“The dream of Eric Wright that’s what I’m  giving you! Who walked through the White house without a business suit!”

A MANSION FOR THUG NIGGAS

Ever wondered where thug niggas go to after this life. For me I think there is this place just reserved for G’s. A place where you wash down your food with liquor and not water.  A place where if you are not spinning something then you are not allowed entry(a bicycle does not qualify either). This place overflows with beauty in the form of rims, diamond chains, and of course the ladies. Well that’s my version of where G’s head to but 2Pac AKA Makaveli or simply Pac had a name for such a place; he called it “Thugs Mansion” and this line is off his “thugs mansion” song:

“Aint no heaven for a thug nigga, that’s why we go to thug mansion” RIP Tupac Amaru Shakur!

THE FIRST BLACK PRESIDENT?! I GOTTA WRITE A SONG ABOUT THAT.!!

If McCain had won the U.S. elections, I don’t think anybody would have written a song about that. Or Maybe am wrong because am sure James Blunt would have definitely come up with something.(e.g “Retireeeeee my presideeent!!!”) and since it is James Blunt singing,  it would have definitely been a hit at least in the white house. But when Barrack Obama, the first black man became the most powerful man on the planet, then definitely somebody had to come up with a song for that historic moment. This line is off the song “My President is black” sang by young Jeezy and it also feat. Nas.

“Bush robbed all of us, would that make him a criminal”. 

Well that line got me thinking and smiling at the same time. I guess that is for the Jury to decide on, Young Jeezy

On having 911 as a personal number

You didn’t think I would leave out this rapper, did you? “The illesst rapper alive’’ had to be mentioned somehow. He is popularly known as Lil’ Wayne but he was born Dwayne Michael carter. He started the rap game at quite an early age, he was registered to Cash Money records at age nine (wow). His most successful album is the carter III which was released in 2008 which went on to sell 1.0 million copies in the U.S. in its first week of release. This line is off the song "Mrs. Officer" which feat. Bobby Valentino.

“Ha ha, and after we got done I said,?Lady  what’s ya number??she said.?911?”
Wow thats a good one right there!

On having dreams and not fulfilling them

Kanye Omari West is one multitalented individual. He is a singer, rapper and record producer. West runs his own record label ‘GOOD MUSIC’  which is home to artistes such as John legend, common and Kid Cudi.  West was crowned  by MTV as the year’s No. 1 “hottest MC in the game”  This particular punchline comes off his “Can’t tell me nothing “ single which is off his “Graduation” album which was released on September 11, 2007, the same release date as 50 cent’s album “Curtis”.  The album has since been certified double platinum. Check out the  line;

“I had a dream I could buy my way to heaven. When I woke I spent that on a necklace.”

On buying song albums just for the picture

Aubrey Drake  Graham was born in Toronto, Ontario. This is off his third official mixtape, “So far Gone” which was released on  February 13, 2009. The mixtape included Drake’s mentor Lil wayne, Bun B, omarion Lloyd and Trey Songz. MTV named the mixtape , “the  hottest mixtape of 2009” Drake is one upcoming new artiste who won “Best male hip hop artiste” award in the BET 2010 awards . I think this line off his “Best I ever had” song is off the hook. Check it out;

“When my album drop,  bitches  will buy it for the picture and niggas will buy it too and claim they got it for they sister.”  Wow that’s the good stuff right there!

On having plenty and being able to give out some

He was born Christopher George Latore Wallace, AKA Biggie Smalls, Biggie, Frank White. He may have left us but some of his songs are still fresh in our ears like they were just produced yesterday. He was particularly noted for his “loose easy flow”.  He has sold over 17 million albums in the United States.  This line is off his “Big poppa” song and it goes a little bit something like this; “Believe me sweety, I got enough to feed the needy”  Wow!

On being both fly and gangsta

Born John David Jackson, better known by his stage name; Fabolous and growing up in Brooklyn in New York City, Fabolous has released five albums which have collectively sold over three million copies in the United States. I personally believe that this rapper is mostly underrated but has some of the best lyrics and punchlines under the sun. This particular punchline comes from his single ‘gangsta don’t play’ which feat.  Junior Reid from his ‘Nothing to something’ album. Check it out;”Gangstas aint this fly, this is just a rare occasion” . I think this line just kills the song completely.